


You're Lost Little Girl

by walkthatlonesomevalley



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, Karmy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1999911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkthatlonesomevalley/pseuds/walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shane accidentally tells Lauren that Amy's feelings for Karma are 100% genuine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're Lost Little Girl

You're Lost Little Girl

Chapter 1: An Unlikely Pair

"So, you told her right?"

"What? No." Amy threw her bag on the ground and tried to tie her hair up in the heat. Her hair kept falling out and annoying the hell out of her. "What do you think I am, a magician?!"

"Sweetie, it doesn't have to be this hard. You're torturing yourself."

"Oh right, so it's my fault?!"

"Kinda?" Shane grimaced.

"Great, you too?!" She backed away from him and picked up her bag. "Everyone is always on her side. Always! I thought you were different!" She saw Oliver across the quad and began to walk over to him.

"Ew, Oliver." Shane mouthed to himself. Amy was far from him now and Lauren approached tactlessly.

"What the hell was that?" Lauren asked.

"Oh nothing, just your bestie having another unnecessary melt-down."

"She's not my bestie. She's my enemy."

"Oh…" Shane pouted, "I thought I was your enemy…" He pretended to look sad.

"Cann it gaymo! I don't have time for your bullshit today. My wonderful step-mother is making me drag that little terror around with me. We're doing decorations for the wedding reception and she's driving me up the wall!"

"Y'all friends now?" Shane joked, using Farrah's very natural southern accent.

"No. We are not friends. And I am in hell. Do you have any idea how very clueless Amy is when it comes to decorations and girly things? She's horrible! She's a mess! She's worse than a boy. She sees toys and gets distracted. She sees candy and forgets we have a mission. Not to mention her idea of decorating is so basic that it pains me… It's like taking care of a two year old! I feel like I'm trapped in one of those horrible cheesy tv shows where I have to train one of the clueless drones on how to live in the real world!"

"Oh wow… Thanks for all that information I really don't care about."

"Sh- uh!" Lauren groaned. "You know what I mean! She's impossible!" Lauren stomped.

"Wait, why are you talking to me?" Shane's whole body did a pivot to get close to her.

"You were with Amy. She's acting weird." Lauren said simply. It was getting on her nerves that Amy had been running around just as angry as her. Anger was Lauren's thing, not Amy's. And what was with all the helpfulness? Amy didn't give a flying fuck about weddings! The more Lauren thought about it, the weirder it seemed that Amy should volunteer to help. "There's gotta be something wrong with her. She's acting insane." Lauren spat.

"Yeaaaahhhh, Amy has kind of been a handful lately, what with her crush on Karma and ooooooooooooooh my lord, I was NOT supposed to say that out loud!" Shane laughed, holding his mouth and internally punching himself. He was usually very good at holding in the secrets but this one had been secret for so long that it was actually starting to feel like a universal truth. Amy was so open with him he had actually forgotten she wasn't like that with anyone else, least of all Lauren.

"Wait!" Lauren lit up like a Christmas tree and grabbed at Shane. "Did you just say that Amy actually has a crush on Karma? Did you just say that? You said that right?! Tell me you said that! Tell me!" She was holding him by his tie, at his collar, and smiling a fiendish smile of almost desperate need. Little as she was, Lauren frightened Shane greatly. The woman got a look in her eye and Shane knew it could only mean trouble.

"Okay, I said that but shhhhhhhhhhh," he tried to defuse her. "If Amy knows I told you she'll never speak to me again." He grabbed her by the shoulders to keep her from running off and starting the rumor mill.

"What an absolute delight! What a SCANDAL! This is amazing! This is the best news I've gotten all year. This is everything I've ever wanted wrapped up in a shiny gold bow."

"LAUREN! EARTH TO LAUREN! I MEAN IT! I reeeeally like Amy okay? I know she's like your step-sister and by law you are required to hate her, but she's a nice person! She's pathetic and sad and her hair's really pretty and she smells nice and she's so confused about life and I just want to marry her off to Karma and watch her procreate in an abandoned wooden cabin near a lake where I'll summer and bring my boy-toys for mimosas and naked night swimming…" He seemed to be off somewhere else. Lauren stared in awe.

"Wow. You've really thought this through." Lauren tried to be disgusted but in the end she just felt really amused by Shane's obvious knack for fantasizing about his friends. Lauren had a vivid imagination and she herself would set up these perfect scenes, but she never told anyone because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

"Yeah…" he panted, out of breath. He was still there on that old wooden dock watching Anderson Cooper dive into the still lake. "I really really have…" He gulped.

"Oohh, kayy…." Lauren remained calm.

"OH! YOU CAN HELP! YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEEDED!" He stepped back from her, returned to Hester High, and visually assessed himself, coughing and straightening out his shirt as if he had fallen in dirt. "I'm sorry… Did I really just say that?" He cocked his head.

"Yeah, ya did." Lauren stared.

"I'm really off my game."

"Don't worry. You've never had game."

"Shut up. You can help me."

"Why would I ever agree to help you? You're like gay Satan."

"Your step-sister has been hanging around the house a lot more lately, hasn't she?" He smiled knowingly. "She's been pouting and worrying and trying to hide from Karma the clueless and Sir Liam the sex carpenter. If you help me out, Amy will be too busy to bother you, she'll be too happy!" He smiled. "Come on, you know I'm right." He raised an eyebrow and smirked at her mischievously. "The sooner Karma knows, the sooner they're at least real friends again. Whattaya say? Charity mission?" He nudged her shoulder with his own.

"Fine. I'm in." She relented quick, not smiling at all or showing any hint of satisfaction. As much as she hated the idea of Amy being MORE smug and MORE ungrateful, she hated more the idea of having to spend many more afternoons with her clueless step-sister from hell who's new goal in life was to avoid Karma and therefore find something, ANYTHING ELSE to do, which meant WEDDING PLANNING and that was Lauren's whole life at current, the only thing that brought her joy. Karma was like Amy's only friend. With Karma gone all Amy had was her family. Lauren swallowed harshly when she thought about it all and a painful knot stuck in her throat and she couldn't figure out if it was bitterness or maybe just caring. "What do I do, what do we need? I hope you have a plan because I do not have time for any more useless drama."

"Bitch, this isn't Pretty Little Liars! Do I look like Aria Montgomery? Of course I have a fucking plan!"

"Alright, alright, talk to me. I'll give you 'til the end of lunch." She checked her watch anxiously. "If you don't sell me on this right now I'm out, and no matter how this ends we're back to enemies right after, agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Shake on it."

"Yes ma'am."

They shook hands.


	2. I Question That Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren stirs the pot by telling Amy about Karma's recent sexcapades.

Chapter Two: I Question That Emotion

After school Karma met Amy at their usual spot.

"So, you're okay with this right?"

"I sort of have to be."

"AMY!" Karma groaned.

"What?"

"Can you at least pretend to be okay with this? We have to break up somehow!"

"Last time we broke up you ran off to Liam Booker."

"And?"

"Annnnnd, what about me?" Amy realized she had been speaking out loud and to Karma of all people. It would be one thing if she was just talking to Shane but this was Karma she had been talking to.

"You don't want to sleep with Liam." Karma laughed.

"Ew, no! Gross..."

"Is this because you don't have a boyfriend?" Karma was acting all flirty and Amy hated it.

"I am not going to talk about that, especially with a horny parrot."

"Well, you won't talk to me and you've been acting weird for days. Since when are you okay with hanging out with Lauren?" Amy had gotten out of plans with Karma to tag along with Lauren to some boutique.

"That's for my mom."

"Still, you can usually escape these situations."

"Maybe I want to help my mom? Would that be so out of character?! Maybe I feel bad about the shower? Maybe I've been a horrible lying person to everyone I know?" Amy was growing increasingly upset.

"Okay, sorry. Calm down. Didn't mean to offend."

"Yeah, well, I find you offensive." Amy half-joked.

"I find you hideous." Karma smiled, bopping Amy on the nose affectionately and staring at her openly in just that way.

"Ha-ha." Amy pretended to be un-phased. Despite herself she did blush and Karma did too.

"Okay so I'll post the thing and by tomorrow everyone will know."

"And we're not gonna do that celebrity bullshit this time right? I can just like NOT talk to anyone about it?"

"Right." Karma agreed. "I won't twist your arm, I promise."

"Okay…" Amy sighed, somehow still displeased. Karma always noticed when Amy was displeased. Up until yesterday Amy had been fully on-board with the plan.

"What's wrong?" Karma asked.

"I dunno…" Amy sighed.

"Amy, talk to me." Karma begged, leaning forward to try and make her friend see her. She hated how long their lie had gone on and how elaborate it had been. She owned Amy big-time and she knew it. If there was anything wrong she wanted to try and fix it.

"It's nothing," Amy said. She didn't' want to talk about it, especially with Karma.

"Come on, you're obviously still upset." Karma poked.

"I dunno, it's stupid…" Amy decided.

"Nothing you feel could ever be stupid." It was like a punch to the gut and Amy scoffed just a little.

"Okay…" Amy thought of a way to put it that didn't sound too gay. Since Karma was asking for it, she decided to at least try. Karma watched her closely, there hadn't been many words between them lately that didn't involve apologies. "It's just… I guess I just don't like the feeling of breaking up with you." It was the truth after all.

"Awww, Amy… That's the sweetest thing you've ever said." Karma leaned in and kissed her on the lips, surprising Amy. "We're not breaking up. I'll never leave you ever. Okay?"

"Okay…" Amy smiled, looking up at her with hope in her eyes.

Within seconds Karma was gone.

"She looked friendly," Shane said, walking up to Amy after having viewed at least half of that encounter.

"Of course she looked friendly, we're friends."

"You know what I mean."

"I think I need to switch schools."

"If you do I'll chase you."

"Come on Aurora, we've got tablecloths to pick out." Lauren had appeared out of nowhere.

"Aurora?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, she's that lame princess, the one with the long blonde hair who lives in the woods and wears ratty clothes and hangs out with fairies and sings to herself like a big ol' lonely loser."

"Wow. Offensive." Amy huffed.

"Let's go." Lauren ordered, pulling Amy along by the hand.

"Uh-uh-uh. Save me!" Amy pretended to cry at Shane as Lauren pulled her away.

"HAVE FUN YOU TWO!" Shane waved, thinking of his plan.

At the boutique Lauren made Amy thumb through catalogues while she herself fondled all the specialty fabrics one-by-one. They were the ones that none of the normal stores carried and they had to drive for almost two hours to get to this store.

Secretly Amy felt smarmy about the whole ordeal. She was already proud of herself for tricking Lauren into buying her a slurpee and this distraction was actually helpful, albeit, Lauren was a pain. She sat at the table full of catalogues and slurped at her drink obnoxiously.

"What's with the face. Did you find something or not?"

"You do know that you can order everything online now, right?"

"Well, your mother didn't really give us much time and we can't risk it. Online reviewers can be amateurs and hacks. Also, so much can go wrong in shipping. My worse fear would be that the fabric was old or faded."

"But I'm looking at a catalog, where do you think this fabric is going to come from?"

"You're looking at a catalogue because I needed space to make my important decision."

"So, what, I'm useless?"

"You said it, Amy, not me."

"God, Lauren, this is the worst, why'd you even let me come?"

"Did you know about Karma's affair? I've been meaning to ask."

"Excuse me?"

"The affair, did you know?"

"If you're talking about the threesome, I was sort of in the room."

"I'm not talking about the threesome. I'm talking about the affair."

"Huh?"

"Her and Liam. They had sex in a thunder box."

"What's a thunder box?"

"Uck, who knows. I'm not a weird alpha-male, woodshop reject, what sort of answer do you expect me to have?! Also, hello, WHAT?! NOW YOU CARE ABOUT DETAILS?!" Lauren exploded. "YOU ARE KILLING ME AMY!"

"Shit, sorry." Amy said, softly smiling. Her mind wandered back to the thunder box. "Wait where'd you even hear that?"

"Shane told me."

"Shane doesn't even like you."

"Yeah well he likes you. And he told me not to say anything so naturally I'm saying something."

"It can't be true. Karma's a virgin. If something like that happened she'd never be able to shut up about it. I mean, I know her. Karma can't keep a secret to save her life."

"Yeah well, maybe now that you're girlfriends your friendship isn't as close. I've had crap friends like that before. Friends who'd use me to get close to a guy and then dump me like I never mattered."

"Karma wouldn't do that."

"Look, we're not really friends but we are almost family. I'd hate for you to get dragged through the mud just for someone who didn't even care about you."

"Karma cares." Amy was beginning to get upset. The last thing she needed in life was for Lauren to actually pity her.

"All I know is, she's been hooking up with Liam on-and-off, spreading lies about you to save face. You're a lot better friend than she is, Amy. I don't personally like you, I mean, I can't possibly like you," Lauren corrected, "but you're a good friend to have. You're too good for Karma. She isn't even nice to you. Why do you put up with it? It's almost like you're in love with her or something." It was pretty much Shane's whole plan. All he needed to do was get Amy to actually talk to Karma.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say…" Amy was stuck on that first bit about Liam and Karma having sex in a thunder box and then that comment about Amy being too good. To Amy the conversation almost sounded like kindness coming from Lauren. It could be a warning maybe, or a hint of pity? Kindness from Lauren was almost non-existent. They tried to hate each other so hard that when they both finally stopped it felt too natural being nice and it actually scared them both. They didn't want to be friends.

"You don't have to say anything. I just think you look weak," Lauren added. She knew she should lend a hint of authenticity to her mainly fabricated attempt at real talk.

"Aaaand, yeah, you're right… I don't have to say anything. Maybe I'll become a monk, do they have female monks? A vow of silence seems almost fitting. All I ever do is listen to all the stupid things people say anyway… Ooo, I could be a nun! I'd only ever listen to God… God's too busy for gossip."

"See, I was right about you. You're just as deluded as that princess. Next thing I know you'll be running around town with a gang of little dwarves."

"That's Snow White, dumbass."

"Whatever. You're a freak."

"I hate you…" They both smiled. They were back to normal.

"Ladies, have you made a choice." A saleswoman approached and she seemed annoyed to have business.

"Oh, excuse us," Lauren said, "girl business." Amy made a face and watched Lauren leave her.

Was she right though? Amy couldn't help but think on it. Had Karma really been a horrible friend? After all, Amy didn't do anything she didn't want to. Or did she? She wanted to help Karma. She wanted to have a threesome. None of the things that happened would've happened without Karma but Amy went along with it all, willingly despite not really liking it half the time. What did that make her? Worse yet, what did that make Karma?

Like it or not, Lauren had dropped a bomb.


	3. Alone The Whole Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy is cold towards Karma but Karma pushes her to the brink.

Chapter Three: Alone The Whole Time

The facebook post had been short but sweet. While Amy was floating in her bathtub extra long just to bother her soon-to-be-sister who obviously needed to pee, Karma was sitting at her desk quietly, trying to think of the perfect sentence, the perfect tone for her break-up. Karma clicked a few buttons and changed her status to single. Then she thought pensively before deciding on: "Alone again, sadly…" It was simple and effective. If the school wanted more the school could dig to their hearts content! Neither Karma nor Amy was planning to talk. Karma agreed to say absolutely nothing when asked, it was their deal after all, the most mysterious way to handle something intimate and of no one else's concern.

It was so simple it was almost genius. Of course Amy would tell Shane the truth and Karma would tell Liam. That goes without saying.

At night Karma dreamed of swimming. She rarely ever had dreams but when she did her dreams were vivid. On this night, she was drowning in the ocean. She'd swim and swim and swim over waves and into riptides and there was no land in sight. Desperately she gasped and heaved. She tried to find a place to rest, a rock to hold, a boat to sail on, a spot of land to aim for, but nothing came. Eventually, after hours of struggling, she grew still rather suddenly and let herself fall beneath the water without a fight. Below the surface was Amy, she was just floating there so effortlessly. Seeing her, Karma smiled and fell into her loving arms. Naturally, Amy caught her. It only took seconds for Karma to realize that down there beneath the waves she could actually breathe and speak normal. Amy held her and she felt safe. Karma and Amy were falling together to the bottom of the ocean but neither of them looked scared. When they neared the bottom Amy leaned in to kiss her and Karma woke sadly. She tried to fall back to sleep, slip back into that dream but then she realized what she was asking and laughed at herself for being silly.

"News is out." It was lunch now so there would be plenty of time to talk about

"Alone again, sadly." Shane sighed. He held his backpack straps with both hands and stared at Amy in that knowing way. "Least she didn't call you a nympho again."

"I'm just glad we're done faking."

"Ah-ah-ah, you were never faking." He reminded her.

"You know what I mean."

"So what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking, what if that's it?" She ruffled her hair anxiously. "What if that's the last time I'll ever kiss her? What if this was my biggest love of all time and it ended because I'm a liar, and a coward, too scared to risk my friendship for something better?"

"Hmm.." Shane thought. "Interesting." He peered at her sideways and smiled his sweet knowing smile.

"What, what is it?" Amy asked.

"I thought for sure you'd feel lighter."

"Is it true about her and Liam?" Amy's face dropped.

"Uhh, what did you hear?" Shane grimaced.

"I heard they had sex, like actual sex, and she didn't stop him."

"It is true," Shane confirmed truthfully.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Amy asked, a stressed out expression on her face, her shoulders slumped, her posture that of a broken soul.

"Why didn't she tell you?" Of course that was his answer, a question that only made her feel more miserable.

"Oh, I dunno, maybe she's just an ass and I'm just an idiot."

"You have been her puppy." He whined.

"I've been a tool." Amy wiped her hair from her face. With all the drama in the last few days she'd stopped caring what she looked like so her hair was all straight and messy and fabulous. Shane wanted to mention it but he knew she wouldn't care. Instead he twirled a thick chunk in his hand and felt it's softness.

"What are you going to do?" He asked sweetly and quietly, almost whispering since the moment was heavy.

"Try not to care?" She said pathetically.

"Or you could just tell her." Shane suggested.

"Shane.. Why do you even think that's an option. She's in love with Liam Booker and she has Liam Booker. Why would she leave him for me? That doesn't even make sense."

"She loves you more than Liam, Amy."

"You just want that to be true so that you can have lesbian friends." Amy groaned. Shane's desire to have them together was almost stronger than her own.

"I already have a lesbian friend," he smiled.

"Ha-ha, rub it in, I'm damaged and lonely."

"No, I think it is true. She may think she loves Liam but she knows she loves you. I mean come on Amy, who's she always chasing down? And what's the worst that could happen? The sooner you tell her, the sooner you could be kissing her again!"

"Fuck, don't tease me."

"Hey!" It was Karma.

"Hey…" Amy groaned, turning away from her slightly and hugging herself with both arms.

"What's gotten into you, are you sick?"

"I'm… no."

"She is sick. She's very sick." Shane smiled and held Amy from behind by her shoulders, he was forcing her to face Karma head-on.

"No I AM NOT." Amy corrected.

"Oh?" Karma was curious and surprised.

"She's love-sick. She's in love."

"What? Amy, that's great! Why didn't you tell me?" Excited wasn't even the right word for this feeling in Karma. Amy had been sad and mopey, a love interest could explain all that away so easily. Karma felt relief first but then sadness. A big part of Karma was already angry that Shane knew and she didn't.

"I guess we're not telling each other things anymore." Amy said. She was still hurt about that secret. If Karma was keeping a secret about that she could be keeping a secret about anything. And then there was all that stuff Lauren had said about Karma being a shit friend.

"Hey, what are you talking about?" Karma's face dropped.

"I think you know."

"Amy, I don't…"

"Well, when you figure it out come see me. Until then, I'm going to hang with my real friends."

"Oh, burn." Shane said, not even realizing the burn was meant for two. "Sorry Karma. I've seen this before, it's the cold shoulder." Amy turned from both of them and walked off towards a tree in the distance. A lonely tree with no people around it. She wanted to be alone. Talking to people only always made everything worse.

"What is she-"

"It's Liam. Someone told her about the sex." Shane caught her up.

"Oh, shit, that's bad."

"Yeah, it kind of is." Shane agreed, looking down on her in judgment and smugness.

"What about the love thing? Who's her mystery man?" Karma tried. Pretending to be friends with Shane was laughable enough. Adding the idea of Amy wanting some fictitious man, Shane couldn't help but double over in laughter.

"HA!" Shane scoffed. "Mystery man, that's so funny!" He laughed louder. "I never knew you were funny!" He bent over laughing and Karma stared down at him with solid loathing. "Look, Amy's in love but if you haven't figured her passions out by now you're a horrible friend."

"I hate our talks," Karma said.

"Me too. Fix your shit." Shane turned her around and shoved her off toward Amy.

From the tree Amy tried to pretend she couldn't see Karma walking near.

"Amy… I-"

"Don't bother Karma. I'm not in the mood." Karma plopped down in front of her feeling miserable yet again.

"I feel like I'm always trying to make things up to you…" Karma confessed, looking at Amy while Amy looked down at her paper and doodled angrily with her cheap and horrible ball-point pen.

"I wonder why that is…" Amy mumbled. She was trying desperately to pay Karma no mind.

"Are you really mad about the Liam thing?" Karma whined.

"The Liam thing? Are you really gonna treat that like it's no big deal? Karma, you fucked him. You told me we were good and then you went and fucked him."

"Whoa, Amy.. You're acting like we were actually dating."

"We were dating Karma."

"No, we were faking it."

"Yeah, maybe you were…" Amy scoffed, giving no explanation and making Karma wonder what this was all about.

"Amy… Where is this coming from? You told me you didn't care about Liam Booker." It wasn't like Amy to swear.

"I don't care Karma! I DON'T CARE ABOUT LIAM BOOKER! I DO- NOT- CARE!"

"Whoa! Amy... You're obviously pissed at me..."

"Yeah, I'm pissed. I'm pissed about this. I'm pissed about us. I'm pissed that my best friend lied to me and used me to get a guy to sleep with her. I'm pissed that I kissed you. I'm pissed that everything in my life has been drama all year long. I'm pissed that some people in this school still think I'm a sex addict because you for some reason thought it would be fine to say I was. I'm pissed that even Lauren told me I was too good for you. I'm angry Karma! I am very VERY angry!" Amy paused to breath. Karma was sitting in front of her and staring at her like absolutely nothing made sense. "Mostly, I'm just tired, okay?" She tried to level. "I am SO tired... And sad. And lonely. And hurt. The more time that goes by the further away you are from me." She shook her head and she was shaking now. "It's like you're just floating away on a raft and I'm drowning, I'm just drowning and I'm all alone."

"Amy, you're not-" Karma reached out her hand but Amy shrugged her off quick and acted like that touch caused a burn. When Amy grimaced Karma wanted to cry.

"I am alone, Karma! I am!" Amy cried, her voice cracking, tears flooding her eyes. She hadn't wanted to talk but that news about the thunder box was so very bad it made her throat hurt and her stomach turn. "Don't try and tell me I'm not alone. I've been alone this whole time! Do you have any idea how horrible that feels? Of course you don't! I've done everything you've ever wanted, even when it meant hurting myself. You ask me to do something and I just do it because I love you and I'm stupid!" She hit her forhead and looked at Karma now, almost stunned by her own stupidity. "You're not alone but I am! I don't even know why I even asked! I'm SO STUPID!" She held at her eyes. "You haven't been my Karma all year." Amy's head shook and when she moved her hand from her eyes tears came spilling out. Looking on, Karma was crying but listening. The more Amy spoke the more pointless Karma's whole life felt. She had hurt her again, hurt the only person who really mattered to her.

Amy shook her head and began to get up from the ground. She hated all that she had said, even if it was true. Seeing Karma gave her so many feelings. Karma listened and it broke her. Amy stood up shakily and grabbed her bag. "You've been Liam Booker's Karma and I don't like her. Liam Booker's Karma doesn't care about anything but Liam Booker. Amy's Karma is dead and you've made that perfectly clear! You don't even care about me any more." She almost fell back on the tree as she tried to walk. "You've hurt me several times! I bleed for you and you just smile and run away. Or apologize and forget that yeah, you hurt me." She walked a few steps and turned back. "Do me a favor and just leave me alone." She was breaking and sobbing now, her body shaking, her mind a mess. She had really done this thing, she was really telling the whole truth in all it's ugliness. "It'll hurt less if you just get the hell out of my life and let me drown in peace, alone, cause that's all I'll ever be anyway..." She ended it, wiping her face with her sleeve.

It was such a speech, such a long long speech. Half way through, Karma felt something within her break. To make everything worse she had just had that dream. She did know what it felt like to be drowning and she did know that the only person who ever caught her was Amy.

Half way through Amy's venomous rant Lauren walked over to Shane and held his hand. They both stared on in shock and amazement as Amy proceeded to spill her guts to Karma and with passion they had never seen coming.

"That was better than One Tree Hill." Shane gasped, staring on at broken Karma on the grass all alone.

"That was better than sex." Lauren fanned herself with her free hand.

"We did that?!" Shane scoffed. "We made that happen?!" He was amazed.

"I think we did…" Lauren agreed. If there plan was to get the truth out they had done it and done it very well.

Lauren and Shane both stared at Karma, she had tears in her eyes and she scowled at them before resolving to run off and find Amy.

"Don't worry, it's fine. I've got this. I'll go after her." Karma spat. She didn't care who had heard. Amy had been right. Amy was always right.

Amy found a bathroom and ran into it, throwing her bag on the floor and kneeling in front of the toilet, instantly retching, she let herself vomit. For days she had been feeling miserable, all it took was that news about Liam and Karma having sex to make her physically ill. She gripped the toilet, not caring if it was dirty. Her breakfast came flying out of her and into the bowl. When Karma came in she could hear.

"Amy? Honey? Amy this is so bad…" Karma wept, creeping into the bathroom and feeling like scum. By now she was shaking too, all those words were hitting her, all those horrible things. "I've made you physically ill. I'm horrible," she called desperately.

"Just go away!" Amy whined, breathing hard, her stomach turning, her voice hoarse.

"Amy, I can't..." Karma confessed. And of course she couldn't. She did care about Amy, she always had.

"Why not? Why do I have to be apart of your lies?"

"The lies are over." Karma pleaded.

"You tell me that every day Karma!"

"I mean it!"

"I thought you meant it last time but then you slept with Liam Booker behind my back." She was sobbing and struggling for breath. When she talked she couldn't breath.

"It wasn't behind your back! I was going to tell you but you've been strange and I've been worried."

"Strange? I'VE BEEN STRANGE?!" Amy felt like hitting her.

"You walk around like a zombie." Karma though, "You get mad at me when I do something and mad at me when I do nothing." Karma walked to the stall apprehensively, stopping still before touching it. "You say things are okay but then you freak out when anything happens…" Karma knew her list was pathetic. Compared to Amy's list, Karma had been a criminal of cruel intent. Knowing this now, she rolled her eyes at herself for trying to explain. She had been a horrible friend, a hideous friend. The worst friend. She had been the absolute worst. "Can I come in, please," she begged, sobbing nervously. "I'm really sorry. I'm always sorry…" she noticed, wanting to hit herself.

Amy reached a struggling weak hand up to unlatch the door but she remained on the floor, it was safer on the floor. Karma stepped into the stall and knelt down beside her, reaching her arm over and rubbing her back. "That was the most you've said to me in weeks…" Karma noticed. She had noticed right away but it seemed more important to say it out loud. "You won't tell me what's wrong but I know something is."

"I just told you, it's the lies." Amy covered. She wasn't expecting to say so very much and be so very angry.

"Amy," Karma scoffed, shaking her head. She wasn't mad at Amy, all she could feel was scared. Tears fell out of her eyes as she held her friend, "It's not the lies. I know it's not the lies," she paused. "And why would you be angry about me sleeping with Liam? That's always been the goal." Karma was so very confused. All that stuff Amy had said, it wasn't wrong but what did it all mean?

"I can't tell you what's wrong." Amy said, her face sad, her voice shaky. She could see the confusion and she knew it was partly her fault. "Don't touch me please." Amy shakily stood and Karma's arm fell off of her. Karma watched as her friend tried to gather herself. Amy used toilet paper to wipe at her face and mouth.

"I feel like I'm losing you." Karma said from the ground below, panic flooding her. It really felt like they were ending. At Amy's feet she felt so completely powerless. All she wanted was for Amy to be happy. That's all she wanted and she wanted it more than her own happiness, or Liam Booker, or a future filled with success and money. She had always wanted that first. It was Amy's happiness and then her own.

With Karma below her, knowing more than she should. All Amy could think was, I've been losing you all year. "It doesn't feel so good does it?" Amy asked, looking down at her friend and wanting to just die. As much as she tried, the tears kept on falling. She couldn't hide her weakness or her shaky voice or her sorrow.

Amy left her bag and left the bathroom. She couldn't stay at school anymore, she cried all the way to the office and used the phone to call her mom.

Karma was broken.


	4. Hit Me Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane tells Karma that Amy is in love with her. Karma invades Amy's secrets at long last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Thanks for the reviews! They're a real motivator! I know I left the last one at a very angsty spot and I'm sorry for having done that but I wasn't sure where I wanted to go. I had been nervous about the way I had naturally taken the story. I second-guessed myself and wrote this whole alternate chapter before reverting back to the one I had already written. So below is the way I naturally wanted to go. I'm not sure if it's good or bad but I really hope you don't hate it! I was just worried about how instantly Karma dove into things but then I realized THAT'S WHAT KARMA DOES! KARMA ACTS AND THEN THINKS! She just does things without thinking and then problems arise. So yeah, I like this actually.*

CHAPTER FOUR: Hit Me Hard

PART I: Fumbling In The Dark

Karma thought about chasing her but she was only hurting her friend and she knew that now. It was crystal clear. She picked up Amy's bag and slunk back outside to sit alone and just cry. There was so much said and unsaid. So many things that Amy had obviously been upset about. Karma hated herself for not pushing Amy more to talk about what she felt. She knew something was wrong and she had known for a while. But Amy wouldn't talk to her, she just wouldn't. And Karma didn't know why. She still didn't know.

"So, how'd it go?" Shane asked, approaching her slowly.

"You don't get to talk to me; I'm sure, somehow, this is all you."

"Said the girl who's constantly breaking Amy's heart…" He quipped, superiority in his body language.

"What are you even talking about?!" Karma choked, holding her head. She was sobbing on a large cement planter, crying after all that had just gone on.

"It's you, you devil." Shane spoke plainly looking down on her and marveling at how clueless she actually was.

"Huh?" Karma refused to open her eyes.

"Are you really this blind?" He said. "If it's an act it's really good. Like Academy Awards good, like Meryl Streep good. You're like Clarice Starling stumbling around in the dark!" He mimicked Jodie Foster's acting from Silence of the Lambs.

"Go away!" Karma yelled, on the verge of getting physical.

"Amy's in love WITH YOU." Shane said.

"Why can't you just let me cry? You've gotta be at least partly human..." She muttered, having ignored his words and his presence, and his knack for annoying the hell out of her.

"Hey, look at me. Did you hear what I said?" Shane moved in front of her and knelt down to eye level. "How dense can you be?" He grabbed her shoulders. "Karma, LISTEN! That girl is head-over-heels in love WITH YOU!" He tried again.

"You're crazy." Karma scoffed, pushing his hands away and wanting to die.

He grabbed her again and shook, "SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU. AMY LOVES YOU, REALLY LOVE! SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!" He felt like a caveman but it was the only way to get through.

"Let go of me! Get off! YOU'RE CRAZY!" She yelled, standing up.

"No Karma. I'm not." They locked eyes and she gulped nervously. "Not about this," he truthfully relented. Karma looked at him now. Her crying had stopped with the serious. She never thought about it before but his words sunk into her.

Amy couldn't want her, not like that. Unless she had been faking not wanting her. Unless she had been lying too, the whole damn time.

"Did she tell you this?" Karma asked, serious as a heart attack.

"Would I be so sure if she didn't?" He hated having to do this but it had gone on so long and Amy was fading.

"It.. It can't be true." Karma shook it off again, depressed. As he was prone to doing, Shane was more than ready to deal a heavy blow.

"Karma! She was going to have a threesome with you and Liam Booker. She does not care about Liam Booker. Take Liam away and what's left?" Shane asked.

"Me…" Karma breathed, her breath barely leaving her lips. Her body heavy. It hit her hard like a rogue wave taking out a small boat. The wind was knocked out of her and she gasped to find the air, falling back on the planter to sit. She felt the air leave as her mind flew away.

"EARTH TO KARMA! KARMA DO YOU READ?!" Shane yelled. He was looking down at her and seeing that she had left the planet.

"I'm gonna be sick." She moaned holding her stomach. The air came back and then her thoughts. Her mind flew somewhere. It was that night, the threesome. Amy was all in, she had even dressed the part. And that kiss…

"That kiss…" Karma raised her fingers to her lips. That kiss had been so amazing, earth shattering. It was the best kiss she'd ever had.

"And now she sees the light." Shane threw his hands up in the air.

"I-I have to talk to her." She felt almost sick. It couldn't be but it could.

"Yeah, ya better." He agreed. Amy hadn't looked so great. She had been crumbling for weeks and the whole time Karma had been absolutely oblivious.

Since it was still lunch, Karma was there when Amy left the office to get in her mom's car. As soon as she spotted her she ran.

"Karma?" Farrah laughed queerly. She had run so fast she almost missed Farrah's car so when she finally reached it she threw the door open and hurdled herself inside.

"I'm sick too. I have to leave." Karma said, trying to remain calm.

"You girls are so dramatic." Farrah said, taking it all in stride. "Amy, are you alright? I could barely hear you on the phone through all that sobbing. What's happened to you two?" Farrah flipped the rear-view up so that she could take a look at Karma.

Both girls looked like they had been through hell. Their eyes were red and tears were all over them. "Shoot. Alright, I'll take you girls home but then I have to jet back to work, that is unless you have a reason for me to stay?" Amy didn't say anything so Farrah was sure it was just the usual high school drama. She remembered High School fondly. Unlike Amy, she used to ditch class without the use of her parents. Some days were just hard. Teenagers could be so unnecessarily cruel. Farrah thought about that the whole ride home.

When they got to the house Amy ran to her room and slammed the door. Karma followed and let herself in, shutting the door softly behind her.

"Amy? Amy…."

"STOP SAYING MY NAME!" Amy yelled. Every time she tried to run, Karma followed her.

"Look, I'm sorry." Karma cried.

"You can't be! Why don't you get it Karma?! You can't be sorry if you keep doing the same things."

"I-" Karma thought about it, "can I try something please?"

"Try whatever you want, just leave me alone." Amy wanted to be done. She had done so many stupid things. She had fallen in love with her best friend and kept it a secret. She had almost had sex with the kind of guy she absolutely hated. She was acting so strange. What she wouldn't give for a year in solitary confinement with nothing but a pile of books and a notebook to doodle in.

Meanwhile Karma was thinking about what Shane had said. When Amy had kissed her before at the threesome, she had felt it plain as day, that feeling, that chemical pull. Karma had thought it had been because of Liam. Karma had thought that maybe Amy actually did want to have sex despite all her negative talk and dodgy speak. She swallowed hungrily thinking about that kiss again and that night. It had never once occurred to her that maybe Liam wasn't the one turning Amy on that night. Not until now. Not until Shane. Amy had been so ready, so intense, so determined. There was something in Amy then that Karma had never ever seen before. While Karma had been drowning and frightened, Amy looked ready to eat her alive. And what if Shane was right?

She hadn't been honest before. When she ran out it was NOT because of Liam.

With Amy alone and with her now, she really needed to know. Was there really something there?

She remembered the threesome and that kiss, how perfect it had felt before Liam stepped in and confused her. She remembered how Amy was strong for her, how she told her to relax and looked her right in the eyes, distracting her from Liam and that feeling of dread. Amy reminded her that things should be soft and kind and easy. Amy had looked like a knock-out and she had been there just for her.

Karma put her palms down on the foot of the bed and looked up at Amy who had buried herself face-down in her pillows.

"Amy, I'm going to do something now and you can't get mad, okay?"

"Just stop talking." Amy sobbed. She was crying still and ignoring Karma altogether.

Karma felt sadness in those sobs but they couldn't stop her, not now. She moved her hands up and put her knees on the bed carefully. The closer she got to Amy the more electric she felt. It was like something big was coming, a tidal wave, or an energy surge. She placed her hands down by Amy's ankles and made her knees follow close behind. Slowly she crawled up the bed, taking in Amy's form. She moved slow and careful and tried not to touch her even though right now she really wanted to, she really wanted to try.

Her chest was pounding as she looked at Amy below and thought about that day with the trench-coats and how surprising it had been to see Amy like that, wearing that.

"Shane told me something just now and it really made me think…" Karma breathed.

Suddenly, Amy felt Karma's presence all around her. She hadn't been paying attention and when Karma spoke now she was above her and trapping her on the bed.

Amy threw her pillow and looked up at Karma. Karma's hair flowed down around her face. It smelt so good and she had missed it.

"Karma, what did Shane tell you?" Amy looked mortified.

"Why, would it matter?" Karma smiled, watching Amy squirm underneath her.

"Iiiiiiit might matter," Amy squealed uncomfortably. Karma was above her and smiling instead of being far away and feeling bad for her actions.

As Karma lowered herself down on top of Amy she watched as Amy froze and her breath sped up.

"It's okay that I'm on you right, this doesn't bother you, does it?" She bent a knee between Amy's legs, rubbing her thigh and feeling that want. Amy watched confused as Karma laid her chest on top of hers with great care.

As Karma's body settled in she watched Amy grow even more nervous. It was her who was sure now. Karma was sure. Below her, she felt how soft Amy was, how fragile. It wasn't like Liam Booker. It wasn't messy. Amy felt safe. She had always felt safe.

Karma raised a hand to Amy's forehead and brushed the damp hair from her face. Since Amy had been crying she was all red and damp. Karma could smell the tears mixed in with Amy's shampoo.

"Yeah," Amy's voice cracked. "I-it's fine," she lied, her tears slowing.

"You smell really good," Karma stared, her eyes traveling from Amy's face to her lips and her eyes and her cheeks.

"Huh, thanks," Amy breathed.

"And it's fine when I stare at you, right? You don't find that hard to deal with?" Karma asked, a curious smile coming over her. She ran a hand down Amy's side and felt Amy struggle to breath beneath her with that touch.

"Ah-" Amy gasped. "Hard to-" Amy laughed and then choked. That touch lit her on fire, it made her gasp and then smile. "No, not hard to deal with. Wh-what are you talking about?" She tried to remain calm.

"I've been wanting to do something for a while." Karma said, her eyes still scanning, her voice smooth and low.

"Okay…" Amy answered, searching Karma's eyes for any hint. Beneath her, Amy looked scared and hesitant. Amy looked the way Karma felt during that other night with Liam and Amy. The night Amy kissed her and turned her world upside-down.

"I'm going to do this and you have to let me. If you stop me I'll be very mad."

"Okay, whatever." Amy said nervously. She had completely forgotten about how upset she was just minutes before. With Karma on top of her, what did any of it matter? Karma was touching her and seeing her. Karma's breath was so close and so soft. Karma's hand was slowly rubbing up her side and Amy felt that.

"Okay?" Karma asked.

"Oh-"

Karma slid a hand beneath Amy's shirt and felt her warm skin.

"Is this okay?" Karma asked, her face just inches from Amy's, her eyes closing as she leaned her forehead down on Amy's, pressing her nose to Amy's nose.

"Huh- yeah." Amy breathed loudly, closing her eyes. Swallowing, Amy felt thirsty. She wasn't sure what Karma was up to but it was stressing her out because it could always just be a game.

"Do you like it?" Karma asked desperately, wanting the answer to be yes.

"I…" Amy thought to answer but stopped. She still had her eyes closed and Karma's hand was holding her body tight under her shirt.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk," Karma decided, moving her head back and opening her eyes again. She was being purposely gentle, purposely soft. She stared down at Amy. Talking was half the mess. It was unnecessary and confusing. Because of the talking Karma had always assumed that Amy wouldn't have feelings for her. Talking could be tricky. Touching was a whole other thing. Her eyes scanned Amy's closed lids and she couldn't help the smile that flooded her and the thoughts of how stupid she had been, how absolutely clueless. "I've been such an idiot." Karma said truthfully, a small laugh escaping her and waking Amy from her haze.

"Wh-what?" Amy asked, thirst coming over her as she swallowed. With her eyes shut tight it was almost like she could feel Karma more, every bit of her, the way she breathed, the little sounds she made.

Amy was breathing really heavy, her heart pounding through her chest as Karma laid on top of her. Karma moved the hand from under Amy's shirt, she reached it up, passing Amy's bra until it rested flat on Amy's chest, just there above her heart. She felt Amy's skin and her heart as it pounded quickly. It was so fast, much faster than Liam's had been.

"All this time…" Karma sighed, so serious. She looked at Amy and knew that it had all been true. No one's heart could beat that fast if they weren't in love.

Amy brought a hand up and held Karma's.

"All this time…" Karma said again, her eyes glued on Amy's face which looked pained and almost desperate, needing of something, needing of relief.

Her heart pounded beneath Karma's hand.

Karma felt it and felt so foolish. She wanted to ask: How long has it been? She wanted to but it would ruin it now so she wouldn't.

"I've had you this whole time." Karma breathed. Amy kept her eyes shut and squeezed Karma's hand.

Karma took her hand away and moved her legs, pushing herself up off Amy's chest. She wanted to sit up and look down on her friend. Everything was so clear now. Amy opened her eyes.

"I just didn't want to lose you." Amy said.

"Stupid girl," Karma smiled, she leaned back down now and held her body above Amy's with her hands on the bed on either sides of Amy's head. "You could never lose me, okay?"

"Okay," Amy gulped, looking vulnerable and on the verge of tears.

Karma stared at her, their faces so close. She knew what she wanted but she was worried. All this time they had been faking it. What happens if Amy says no? What happens if she doesn't feel it enough?

"What?" Amy asked. Karma had been staring at her in such a queer way.

"I want to kiss you." Karma said.

"Oh." Amy responded. In her mind she was screaming. If Karma wanted to kiss her then maybe Shane had been right.

"That's all you have to say?" Karma asked, a smile creeping over her.

"Well-" Amy started to speak but Karma leaned in and kissed her for real, stopping her immediately, flooding Amy's body with the sensation of being loved. It was the kiss to end all kisses. They both wanted it and needed it now. Karma's body was flat on Amy's. When Karma's lips hit and Amy's lips parted, Amy had to fight to keep her hands from touching her friend. For so long she had been having these dreams. Secret dreams she could never tell Karma.

Karma kissed her and tasted her and Amy felt her friend's body on top of hers, she felt Karma rubbing against her and making her want.

"Uhhh-" Amy gasped as Karma pulled away.

"It's okay, you can touch me," Karma said.

"Are-are you sure?" Amy asked . And this made Karma smile the most.

"Of course I'm sure," Karma said, pulling up so that she could sit. When she leaned down again, Amy grabbed at the arms that were supporting her and rolled Karma onto her back so that she could be the one seeing her, the one on top.

"I like you like this," Karma said beneath her, heart racing, panting from the surprise.

Amy looked at her, still questioning. Remembering the kiss, she smiled and dipped her head to kiss Karma back. All those days of pining and feeling alone, none of them mattered now. Karma was kissing her and holding her and touching her back. It was everything Amy wanted, absolutely everything. They weren't faking and Karma was kissing her back.

While they kissed Amy placed a hand on Karma's chest and felt that she wasn't crazy, she wasn't alone. Karma's heart beat just as fast as her own.

"Why didn't you say anything?!" Amy collapsed on her friend breathing desperately, feeling duped. She was always behind, always last to know the truth.

"God, what was I supposed to say?!" Karma laughed, throwing a pillow on Amy and laying beside her. "Gee Amy, that kiss was great," Karma mocked, "maybe you and I should just ditch this kid? What'd you say?"

"Karma!" Amy whined.

"Seriously, Aim, what was I supposed to do? You're my best friend and you said! You told me you didn't feel anything when we kissed. You basically called me gross before being happy that I liked it."

"Yeah, well, I obviously lied!" Amy blushed feeling embarrassed. She pulled the pillow over her head and pressed it down and let herself scream. For once she was happy.

Karma moved back on top of her playfully and pulled the pillow off of her face.

"If I had really thought that you were into it, I would've suggested this for real."

"You are SUCH a liar!" Amy scoffed, her face red from embarrassment and smiling.

"I'm not." Karma fought.

Amy grabbed Karma's hands and pulled her down so that she wouldn't have to look at her.

"So what, I'm just supposed to believe you're in love with me?" Amy asked.

"I've been in love with you my whole life." Karma said knowingly.

"Too good to be true." Amy said, shaking her head.

"When you took that trench off in front of Liam Booker. I almost passed out."

"Why?" Amy laughed.

"I guess I'd never seen you like that before." Karma confessed. Amy raised a hand to Karma's hair and tucked a strand behind her ear. It felt good to hold Karma and have her rest there without any qualms or pretenses.

"Oh, come on, you've seen me naked many times."

"I know I've seen you naked but that was…" Karma shook her head. She rested her ear above Amy's heart. "It was different." She confessed as she listened. "You seemed so sure of yourself."

"I was sure." Amy confessed, running a hand through Karma's hair. Karma closed her eyes in the pleasure of being close like this after the fight they had had.

"So you knew then? Did you know before that kiss?" Karma asked, moving her head to look at her friend who seemed at peace.

"I was trying to win you." Amy shrugged.

"Amy, that's so stupid." Karma laughed.

"What? Why?"

"If you think there's even a fight between you and Liam Booker you're an idiot."

Amy just laid there, she was still feeling pathetic but she was unavoidably happy.

"All you ever talked about was Liam Booker. I was falling for you like an idiot and all you could talk about was him."

"Did I tell you I was sorry?" Karma asked sweetly.

"Yeah maybe but it doesn't change it." Amy confirmed.

"Yeah well, I can make it up to you now. Now that I know."

"Oh really, what do you have in mind?" Amy laughed.

"I dunno but I want to make it up."

"Can't we just lay here a while more. Can't we just be normal again?"

"It's a start." Karma agreed, laying her head down and feeling Amy's steady soft heart as it pounded lightly and reminded her of Amy's surprising truth.

PART II: What Have I Done?

They lay there a long time, neither of them wanting to move. Eventually Karma rolled to Amy's side and hugged herself up to her. The two of them fell asleep until Lauren and Farrah came home.

"Girls! We brought dinner!" The door flew open and Lauren saw the results of her handy work.

"Well if it isn't my two lesbian lame-os. Did you girls have fun ditching school to cuddle? I only wish I could be so lucky." Lauren scoffed. "Anyway, your mom got food." Lauren hung in the doorway an extra second. She was trying to decide on a last insult but seeing them there smiling like that, tangled up in one another, she had nothing left to say. They were actually kinda cute and Amy had been on the verge of drastic measures.

"I guess we should get up." Amy said.

"Do we have to?" Karma asked.

"Food. Food is good. Food is necessary." Amy's stomach growled and Karma thought back on the bathroom and the sickness.

"You should eat," she said, worried.

"K…" Amy agreed.

They got up and ate in the family room. Farrah talked on and on about some dam breaking and flooding a baseball field 30 miles from town. Her assignments were usually dull so this one felt exciting. She got to stand in the water and it went all the way up to her calves.

Karma held Amy on the couch and pet her hair. For Amy it was like falling into something that had always been right. Karma knew the truth and she wasn't acting different. But for Karma the touching felt new. It didn't matter that her and Amy used to touch. It didn't matter that her and Amy used to lay on each other like this. Everything felt tender now, more tender than before, safe but almost, brand new.

Amy would laugh at something Lauren had said or something her Mom was talking about and Karma felt like she was seeing her for the very first time, the way she smiled, the way her laugh sounded, if was all feeling new and perfect and amazing. She couldn't stop staring and she couldn't explain it. Her eyes lightly cried through her laughter because this was all too perfect, it was all too much. They were all talking and acting normal and Karma was having a hard time finding air. A smile was plastered on her face like it would never come off. She hadn't expected any of it but it was there, it was all there, all along.

"You okay?" Amy asked, looking up at her, noticing her shallow breath and stillness.

"Yeah," Karma smiled, her face flushed red from the heat and the touching. "Yeah, I'm okay," Karma smiled, feeling faint. When her eyes closed and opened it was like slow motion now for both of them. Every second that was spent viewing Amy now was a second filled with an even stronger amount of adoration. And there was wanting there. She wanted her. It took Shane's words and Amy's explosion and that heart in Amy's chest that pounded steady beneath her hand.

"I don't know if I can do this…" Karma confessed, feeling trapped and confused.

Amy got off of her and turned around.

"You don't have to do anything."

"I know," Karma laughed, nervousness in her eyes. Her eyes searched Amy's, for what she didn't know.

"Well then what is it, what's wrong?" Lauren and Farrah were fighting in the kitchen, making noise. Karma grabbed Amy's hand and leaned into her.

"If I ruin this, I won't have you anymore."

"How could you possibly ruin this," Amy smiled.

"I ruin everything…" Karma knew. There was something in her, kicking her. The happiness was too good. It could never last, ever. "I-I think I better go home."

"Karma?" Amy smiled in near disbelief. Karma seemed scared and it all felt comical to Amy. What was there to be serious about? All they were doing was leveling up, loving a little bit more than they did before. To Amy it felt natural but to Karma felt like a step off a cliff, unpredictable and dangerous, too bold to be done, too risky to be tried. Where Amy saw a map of what could be, Karma saw only uncharted territory that could lead to loneliness and abandon without a lifeline.

"No, really." She panicked, "I-I need to go."

Karma got up and walked to the door.

"Thanks for dinner, it was great." Karma said loudly, dragging Farrah and Lauren into it too, for the sake of her own safety. She needed to get out.

"Karma, you can't leave!" Amy fought, her smile leaving her.

"I-I'll call you later, I promise." Karma struggled, pulling the handle of the door and pushing before pulling, acting strange in an environment that had only ever felt like home.

She left and didn't call.


	5. Breaking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma can't deal with Amy until she settles something first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i've been concentrating on the arizona story and neglecting this one. apologies forever*
> 
> *i've decided to run with my karma theory from the impossible dream since i love it so*

CHAPTER FIVE

Breaking Up

Part I

For Amy it felt almost expected. Karma hadn't been the one to start things, not really. It was Shane and that outburst. He should never have told her. Perhaps it was too soon...

"Then what happened?" Shane's voice came through the phone.

"She kissed me…" Amy remembered. "I was so sad and she just started kissing me."

"That's good right?!" Shane seemed excited.

"It was, it was good…" Amy admitted. "But she must've been confused."

"You can't tell someone you want to kiss someone and then pretend to be confused about it later."

"No, that's not it. She didn't act confused. She acted sure."

"If she was sure then you're in love!" Shane exclaimed.

"Yeah but she left. She freaked out."

"What exactly did she say," Shane was digging. Amy was slow to realize things that seemed clear to him.

"We were eating dinner and she was holding me on the couch…" Amy remembered.

"Ooooooo," Shane joked.

"Shhh. It was perfect, it was like nothing happened and then I was looking at her and she just looked so sad or maybe nervous all of a sudden."

"How was she sad?"

"She was smiling but her cheeks were flushed red and we were all talking, me, my mom, and Lauren, but Karma looked like she couldn't hear anything…"

"I bet she was just nervous."

"Yeah or maybe she wished she hadn't done what she had done." Amy's worst fears were always on her sleeve.

"What'd she say though? She left, she had to say something."

"She said, 'if I ruin this I won't have you anymore.'"

"Oh, boy." Shane sighed.

"Oh boy?!" Amy yelled wanting to know his thoughts instantly.

"It's your friendship. I should've seen this coming. It makes perfect sense! She's scared of losing you..." He was certain as certain could be.

"She couldn't."

"Of course she could!" Shane argued. "Look how crazy your year has been. What would you have done if she had rejected you flat out or called you disgusting or- Amy, many things can go wrong, a lot already has."

"So what, pretend she doesn't love me and it's all peachy-keen?!"

"Peachy keen?" Shane asked disgustedly.

"Ugg.. I've been watching Grease a lot lately. Shut up."

"Look! Karma has a point. I hate to say it but her fears are totally valid," He agreed. "If you two start hooking up and one of you stops feeling it while the other can't stop… Do you really think you can be friends after that?"

"Why couldn't we?"

"Unrequited love!" Shane was annoyed.

Amy's phone began to beep.

"Oh Shit, that's Karma."

"Go! Run! Call me back!"

Amy cut him off to answer.

"Hi…" Karma breathed.

"Hi…" Amy sighed.

There was nervousness between them and butterflies and tension.

"Sorry I left like that." Karma sounded sad.

"It's okay…" Amy lied.

"I tried but… I couldn't call."

"We're talking now," Amy said optimistically.

"We are," Karma laughed, smiling on the other side of the line. "What are you doing?" She was searching for a distraction.

"I was talking to Shane but you called so I hung up on him."

"Nice to know he hasn't taken my spot."

"Karma…" Amy whined. "No one could ever take your spot."

There was such a sureness in that voice and Karma wanted to roll off a cliff.

"Karma, I'm sorry I lied about… not feeling things and-"

"Amy, it's okay."

"It isn't though. I've never lied to you before."

"I know but that had to be weird."

"It was weird," Amy laughed.

"Wish I could've helped you…" Karma thought, thinking back on something old but now new.

"Helped me how?" Amy asked, intrigued by what that meant.

"I…" Karma held her breath.

"Karma?"

"Sorry, I was thinking…" It had been a long time since they had had one of their long phone calls. "I kinda want to tell you something but I know you're going to get mad."

"Karma, are we ever going to be normal again?" Amy's voice and those exact words. Karma felt her heart squeeze itself.

Lauren busted in her door.

"Come on lazy, Mom's sending us to the store."

"I'm busy."

"You're laying on your bed and still in pajamas at three in the afternoon." Lauren noticed.

"Point taken…" Amy looked at her self.

"Hey Karma, can I call you back later?"

"I was sort of hoping, can I come over tonight."

"Sure, I'd love that." Amy said.

"Okay…" Karma thought, thinking of the thing she had been meaning to say.

"Cheer up please."

"I'll try."

"You're supposed to be happy when someone tells you they love you."

"I am happy, about that." Karma said.

"Well, good. See you soon."

"See ya."

"Bye." Amy didn't really want to hang up.

Part II

Karma knew she had to call Liam. Amy's confession changed pretty much everything.

"Liam?"

"Karma, hey!" He smiled through the phone. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you at school and when I call you don't answer."

"Sorry, I." She hesitated. "Things have been complicated. Is there anyway we can meet?"

"Sure," Liam said, scratching his head.

"How about the starbucks by your house."

"Sounds good," Liam agreed.

"Give me thirty minutes," Karma prepared. She hung up and knew she was in for a whirlwind of an evening.

Liam beat her there and ordered her favorite iced soy chai frapp. He was waiting there, so excited to see her at a table near the window, semi-private but illuminated by the sun.

He stood when she entered.

"Karma!" He smiled. "It's so good to see you, I've been worried."

She hugged him feeling him happy and against her for probably the very last time.

"It's good to see you too. I'm sorry," she said, looking down.

"Are you okay? I thought maybe you were sick but Amy hadn't heard from you either." It was cute that he didn't even think that maybe Amy had lied. She hadn't but still. That was cute.

"I've been avoiding things."

"What kind of things?" Liam asked, wanting for his name not to be one of them.

"You, Amy… My feelings," she held the drink he had bought for her and began to tell him the whole story, starting with the beginning of school and the faking it plan and the ways she had used him. He wanted to be angry but her plan worked, it was smart. He had been a tool trying to break up two lesbians. That had been the whole truth and they both knew it, they used each other to win each other.

Things turned though when Karma started talking about Amy's behavior and the anger. Liam started to wonder why Karma was telling him all of this. She had these hidden feelings in high school apparently that she pushed away.

She kept telling him how happy she was with him before the Threesome and intimately up until that day in school when Shane told her about Amy.

As she talked, Liam began to see what was coming. He knew all this talk of feelings and lies was leading somewhere unfavorable for him and he knew given the circumstances that he really should not have been surprised because he did play into her hands and act like the jerky jock who would fall for such a transparent lure.

Once Karma started rambling about the threesome and how accidental it had been, he had heard enough to know what she was trying to say. She said something about kissing Amy and kissing him and he realized then that he didn't need to hear more.

"Wow, that's, heavy stuff," he exhaled. It was his turn to feel miserable. He hadn't asked for it or deserved it but life works the way it does. "So, why are you telling me this now? Why the confession?"

She hadn't gotten to the kicker. She told Liam about how she used to want to kiss Amy. She told Liam about how that possibility had all but disappeared even before high school. She had those feelings and they were secret. She knew they weren't reciprocated, at least, she thought she knew.

"When I first started seeing you, I was so happy," she began. Like a serially abused animal, he just waited for the kick, he knew it was coming. "You made me feel insanely happy for the first time in years." She smiled, wanting him to know that was the truth. "When I was with you it was all new. I didn't think of her," she added.

"But, you love her…" Liam jumped the gun wanting the conversation to be done.

"I…" Karma paused exhaling. "I do, yes." It was the first time she had told anyone besides herself.

"And this is you breaking up with me," he seemed to realize without looking at her.

"It is," she said. "But it's not you, it's not your fault."

"With that story, it really can't be," he confessed, forcing a smile and stifling an awkwardly bitter laugh. "I wish you had told me," he said. "If not about the faking now, about your past and how you felt for her back then."

"You already thought me and Amy were a couple. Plus, it's no secret… You and I were always more into the physical side of things, talking was never really our goal." She smiled, blushing.

"I guess you're right," he laughed lightly, relieved for some reason. Seeing his own contradictory errors and the ways in which he too ignored the possibility of Karma actually being in love with Amy, it helped him to be less mad about the lies. He had been lying all along too for the most part. He always had a hunch that what he was doing was wrong and that was the fun, choosing to hurt someone he didn't even know, and a girl. If anything he felt bad for Amy and confused by Karma.

"I'm sorry," she said, tears in her eyes. Breaking up with him felt just wrong. He had made everything simple for a while. "For everything."

"I'm sorry too," he said, not really sure what he was apologizing for.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she touched his hand and made sure he knew. It didn't matter though because it was over. He didn't want it to be over and it was done.

"I-" he said, standing up. "I, wish you two the best," he went to shake her hand but she fell into his arms again.

"You have no idea how sorry I am," she cried, tugging at his shirt and pressing her face into his chest.

He wanted to push her away but he could tell she was crying. So he just held her and tried not to cry.

What Karma had done was absolutely insane. But he had chosen to hurt Amy. That was his mistake. It was right to be ending. After everything he had just heard, he wanted it to end.


End file.
